Things that made me smile today….
– making a change in my life
– great recipe from the Pioneer Woman (thanks I had no idea what to make for dinner)
– these quick and fantastic flower pictures I took (straight out of the camera)
– seeing my floor again after finishing the wash
– going through the baby clothes and finally deciding to get rid of them – gosh they are soooo cute.

Thank goodness it is Monday.  I like to start the week off trying to accomplish everything that I did not manage to do the week before.  Lately, I find my life to be somewhat depressing.  Or is it me that it is getting depressed.  I am having a harder time getting motivated to do anything, since I feel that I am never achieving what I actually want – more time for myself.  My weekends are falling into a boring sort of rut, in which I get up and don’t even bother to get dressed, knowing that I will only end up having to clean, cook, or run errands once again.  It is not like me at all.  I usually rise out of bed, eat breakfast, dress, put my face on and run.  I am a morning person.  That is why I like to start first thing, because once the afternoon creeps up on me, I lose all my steam.  It has been so bad lately, that I come home and if I close my eyes, I just want to sleep.  I do sleep.  I take naps.  I never take naps.  I don’t even want to get out of bed with the kids during the week, and often I end up falling back to sleep knowing good and well that I have to get Nicolas ready for school.  

In my defense, I am fighting a sinus infection right now, and the antibiotics always take a toll on my body, but still I know attitude has a lot to do with it.  I just have to get myself motivated.  I have to force myself to eat better, do some exercise, and find reasons to stay happy.  Otherwise, I will fall deeper and deeper into a black hole.  Yes, I am tired.  Taking care of the kids 24/7 is an exhausting job, and since I am not the “perfect – I adore my kids in every situation” type of mom, it takes a toll on my psyche.  I cannot focus when they are home, and I feel like my days have no structure, which is something I don’t like.  I plan.  I am a planner.  I always have calendars in every room, attempting to write down all the little things that pop into my head during the day.  I try to stay organized, and function to the best of my ability.  Yes, maybe that has something to do with my tiredness, however it is the only way I know how to deal with life as it is right now.  Yet, I find myself so sloppy, and dreary.  Dreading the tasks that I have to do.  Avoiding them.  I am sure it is because I don’t take the time to relax, and do the things I want to do.    As long as there is work, there is no play.  That is my motto.  Not one I love, but one I follow.   

So lately, I keep thinking about my schedule, and how I do things each day.  Maybe it is time to make a list.  A list of the five most important things in my life.  Things I need to concentrate on first.  
1. My children
2. My clean house
3. Sew
4. Play
5. Relax

This list is nothing new to me.  I started it in the beginning of this year, however #1 and #2 take up most of my time.  I try to get to #3, but it just does not happen.  So, I decided today that I am going to change some things.  
– I will blog in the morning, if I have something to say.
– I will sew in the morning, when the kids are in school.
– I will clean the kitchen every night, in order to avoid chaos during the day.
– I wll clean the house every night – declutter
– Do a load of laundry every night – to avoid the 10 loads I have on the weekend.
– Iron while watching tv.

Maybe these changes, or even some of them, will help me to avoid getting up to total chaos every morning.  Maybe these things will help me to get up and be ready for the next day.  If not, well then maybe my mom coming this week will help me see the sunshine again.  I could use a break.  She is always ready to help me, and she does it so well.  She has an amazing amount of energy.  Let’s see how she would handle it.

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